April 26, 2005 - 9:57 am

My mother-in-law just left this morning. I love her dearly, and since John and I have been together she�s been like a mother to me. She�s a wonderful person with a great heart and she always means well, BUT DEAR GOD THAT WOMAN DRIVES ME TO DRINK.

She was a kid during WWII, so she�s got that post-war hoarding mentality. You know, that generation that thinks you should eat everything out of a can and never throw anything away. Her favorite store is the Dollar Store, and she always comes to visit us with an ENTIRE SUITCASE full of cheap stuff that we have no use for. I�m the anti-clutter Nazi, and she is the Winston Churchill of small plastic items that sing. I don't stand a chance.

She actually reminded me Sunday night not to forget to do the tooth fairy for the Girl � calling in a REALLY LOUD WHISPER to me in the Girl�s room WHILE I�m taking her tooth out from under her pillow and nearly waking the Girl up. I�ve managed to remember to be the tooth fairy eleven times so far. I think I�ve earned my wand and wings.

This is pretty much how our morning went:

Mother-in-law: Do you ever wear those snuggle suits?
Me: What�s that?
M-I-L: You know � they�re like long johns but a two piece thing.
Me: No. I have worn long johns, but not those.
M-I-L: You don�t wear them?
Me: Nope.
M-I-L: Not even in the winter?
Me: I�d never heard of them until you just told me. I�ve never worn them.
M-I-L: You don�t think you�d wear something like that? Not even when it�s really cold out? They�re really very comfortable, you know.
Me: Um�yes?

M-I-L (while the kids are eating pancakes): Do they like oatmeal? I could fix them some oatmeal.
Me: They�re already eating pancakes.
M-I-L: Don�t they like oatmeal?

M-I-L (to the Girl at breakfast): Do you take your lunch to school?
The Girl: No. We eat the school�s lunch.
M-I-L (turns to me): Do they take their lunch to school?
Me: Um�.no. They eat the school�s lunch.
M-I-L: So you don�t pack their lunch?
Me: Nope.
M-I-L: Want me to do it?

M-I-L: Is that what she�s wearing to school? Isn�t she going to be cold? Does she ever wear those snuggle suits?

M-I-L (after the kids have finished their pancakes): When do they eat again?
Me: At lunch time in the school cafeteria.
M-I-L: They don�t eat a snack first?
Me: Not that I know of.
M-I-L: Don�t they need a little something before lunch? What time do they eat?
Me: I honestly have no idea. Maybe I should be more inquisitive, but I usually just trust that lunch happens some time before I pick them up at 2:45.

M-I-L: Want me to fix you some breakfast?
Me: No thanks. I can�t eat this early. I�ll have something a little later. Help yourself to whatever. I�ve got eggs, oatmeal, cereal and bagels. There�s orange juice in the fridge.
M-I-L: I could fix you an egg. You need your protein because it�ll stick with you until lunch.
Me: No thanks. I can�t eat this early.
M-I-L: You really need to eat breakfast. You sure you don�t want me to fix you a little something now? How about some oatmeal?
Me: I�m leaving now.
M-I-L: Don�t you like oatmeal?

The funny thing is that the gist of these conversations reminds me a lot of the conversations I have with John, only with John the subjects are a lot more important and my blood pressure goes up a few points higher when we talk. Between the two of them I find it amazing that anyone ever actually gets to the point of what�s on their minds. He comes by it honestly, though, and I think he does remarkably well considering his communication role model. But I�m just not really equipped with the decoding skills it takes to have that kind of conversation on a regular basis. For the rest of my life.

And I DO like oatmeal, by the way.

Just not my mother-in-law�s.

~Samantha

recommended:
reading -Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris
viewing - The Women
listening -"Frank's Wild Years" by Tom Waits

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