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July 13, 2005 - 9:46 pm


Klugarsh tagged me in the big complain-off that's going around D-Land. While I'm not usually one to let the negativity flow, once I get started it's hard to stop. So here it is: five things that really get my goat.

1. The Great Rock and Roll Swindle: A.k.a. being tricked by christian radio while traveling in my car. Okay, you’re traveling through unfamiliar country in the car, flipping around trying to find a decent radio station like NPR or maybe even a college station if you’re lucky, when you finally hear something remotely worth listening to. It’s got a good beat, an acoustic guitar, a nice clear Richard Thompson sounding voice, so you hang out there for a while. All of a sudden, it rears it’s ugly head – some unmistakably christian phrase like “blood of the Lamb” or “in His name” and I go ballistic. Mother-f…And the worst part is…actually, I don’t know what irks me more – the fact that the music is clearly trying to sneak under the radar, stealth-like, and capture unsuspecting travelers like myself, OR the fact that I’m so bothered by the lyrics that I have to change the station. I mean, I liked it well enough to listen in the first place, right? So why do I feel the need to change the station just because of a few religious references being bandied about? I’m forced to ask deeper questions about myself, and I don’t need that from a radio station.

2. Apathetic Gamma Workers: You all know what I’m talking about here – the sneer, the refusal to make eye-contact, the blank stare, the muttering under the breath. Listen asshole, all I'm asking for is some little sign of acknowledgement. Ever heard the phrase, "May I help you?" It’s not my fault you have to work for minimum wage, and I’m not the one keeping you down (that is, if you’re really enough of a jerk to suggest that your BOSS, you know, the guy who’s PAYING YOU, is “keeping you down”). Either get a job doing something that makes better use of your phenomenal people skills – breaking rocks with your face comes to mind – or, for fuck’s sake, get a better attitude, and you may actually improve your situation in the job you’re lucky enough to have already. Just be grateful you're not a Delta. Lazy fuck.

3. Nietzscheism: The deluded, elitist belief that somehow the rules don’t apply to you. This is not to suggest that I believe in obsessive rule following or anything. I’m just talking about being an ass with total contempt for common decency or, possibly even more offensive, using a technicality to weasel out of what you know is your responsibility. I know, I know, you’re SMARTER than the rest of us, you really weren’t to blame, GOD is on your side, blah, blah, blah, whatever. Step up to the plate and accept responsibility, you arrogant spoiled brat. The truth is you ran me off the road because you didn’t plan your day well enough to leave enough time to get to your ego-management class. Sorry, but that “W the President” sticker on your Cadillac Escalade doesn’t entitle you to drive 60 in a 25 mph zone, asshole.

4. The Term ‘Liquid Sunshine’: Do I really need to say any more? It’s RAIN, you cheerful fuck, not sunshine. I’m sure the countless victims of hurricanes, floods, and tornados feel SO MUCH BETTER when you put it that way. Stupid fuck.

5. Pushers: People who try to force their ideas or products on you, usually through manipulation, ridicule or violence. I guess this kind of relates back to #1, but is exemplified better by stalkers (follow-up story at 11), my-way-or-the-highway religious groups, and people with extreme political views. These are the people who bomb abortion clinics and double-decker buses headed to the financial district. Do us all a favor: keep your ignorance to yourselves, and let the more reasonable-minded people who are capable of rational thought and compromise run the world. Thanks.


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RELOCATION - October 21, 2006
OVERHEARD IN MAYFAIR - October 19, 2006
OKAY, THEN... - August 21, 2006
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